An update...

So what's been new with my life you ask? Not much of note, but I'll try my best to provide some interesting information for my loyal readers. :o) All 3 of you......

Valentine's Day
If you know me well at all, you know that I have never been a fan of this Hallmark-inspired holiday. Regardless of the fact if I'm dating someone or no (and yes I am), I have always had issues with a day created for capitalizing on the fact that most boyfriends (and some girlfriends) are insincere & unsentimental 364 days a year and need to make up for it with flowers, chocolates, and stuffed animals on ONE day of the year. (Might I also add that I'm shocked that many people fall for this "compensation" that occurs on V-day?) Frankly, I'd rather have a sincere and considerate guy throughout the year...let's just say, I have had the wining and dining, and while that's all fine and lovely, it's not important. And it's overrated. And it doesn't make up for all that really matters in a relationship. And those are my feelings about that particular subject.

Finding your way in life...
Choosing which road to take in life can be a difficult and sometimes gut-wrenching (or heart-wrenching) experience. This is particularly true when you're one of those people who has so much to offer the world in the way of talents/interests/passions or what have you. It's even difficult for me, and I see myself as something of a one trick pony...sad, but kind of true lately. It's no joke that I'm absolutely obsessed with politics. Other things that I truly love include music (listening, playing, thinking of lyrics that no one ever gets to read except for me...lol), literature (I have a broad range of reading interests) and history (I'm a huge fanatic when it comes to civil war history and stuff on Abraham Lincoln, particularly the conspiracy to assassinate him and his fellow heads of state-just look at my bookshelf, you'll understand what I'm talking about).

But as time went by I separated my hobbies (music, reading, history) from my life passion (politics, public service, helping people, all in all MAKING A DIFFERENCE). But it's kind of scary at the same time. What if I get my first job and realize I can't do what I set out to do? What if I realize I'm really not cut out for it? What if it's not what I expected? What if I become so imbittered and disillusioned and jaded that I don't recognize the person in the mirror anymore? What if....I find I have nothing else I'm good at in life? These are all questions I like to scare myself with, but seldom admit to anyone...

And I'm not even going into all of my issues with where I'm going to find a job, what that job might be, how it might affect my future career ambitions.......sheesh. The Kenny Rogers song is true: "Life was so much easier...twenty years ago..."

I'm writing this post for a few reasons, but one of the reasons is to show any and all of my friends who are feeling insecure about which direction that they should go in life that they're not alone. We all have these thoughts that torment us, and we all spend moments in our life wondering what it is that we have to offer...what it is we were placed on this earth to do...but this is part of life and learning and if we didn't question ourselves, we wouldn't learn anything, and we certainly wouldn't grow and become better, more intelligent, insightful, effective individuals.

And while life may have been easier 20 years ago, I can also say that it wasn't nearly as interesting...and if I had the choice of staying safe and being bored, or dealing with drama but living an exciting, fulfilled, remarkable life you had better believe that I'm going to choose the latter...it's just like this quote I heard on this old TV show "Touched by an Angel", many years ago...and I never forgot it-it goes as follows:

"You can't spend your life sitting in a boat, staying safe...that's no life."

Exactly...so jump out into the water and go for a swim. You might get cold, you might get dirty, you might get bitten, but at least you gave it a shot and lived a little...which is more than a lot of people can say about their lives...

I do not want to be a cliche. I do NOT want to be boring. Ordinary=not for me...

Everything else...
So after waxing philosophical for a bit, I'm ready to update on everything else that is going on...school is great. I'm busy, I've got a lot of work going on, but it's all going extraordinarily well and I'm handling the workload much better than I would have expected. I absolutely adore my POS 563 class...my seminar in Political Campaigns...and I honestly feel like it is THE most beneficial class I've taken thus far in college, in addition to the fact that it is first-handedly training me for my career ambition. I must admit, I can't believe that I graduate in 81 days! AMAZING...then it's off to the real world, whether I'm ready or not.......social life, a little slow, I'm really REALLY busy with school, but things are ok...Thursday nights are still fun, and I'm actually going out this weekend w/ a friend who's coming to town to visit me on Friday, then I'm going home on Saturday to celebrate my sister's 15th birthday. I can't believe Jami's only a year away from driving...I remember when she was just a tiny baby, my new little sister who just came home from the hospital...*sniff*...they grow up so fast.

Not much else is new...but I'll try to update more regularly...I'LL TRY...I promise.

Name: Amy Lynnette Hodges
Location: Central Illinois
Gender: Female
DOB: December 20th, 1980
Eyes: Deep blue
Hair: Naturally chestnut brown, but I’ve got highlights.

Have you ever…
Drank: Yep.
Smoke: Secondhand smoke
Kissed the same sex: Not voluntarily, but it happened once, and it was a dare, and what happens in Chicago, stays in Chicago. And there was no tongue involved…and it's not my fault that boys are perverts and like to watch that kind of stuff!
Kissed the opposite: most definitely ;o) But not recently enough ;o)Skinny-dipped: hahaha…I plead the 5th ;o)
Broken a bone: never…I have had a pretty badly sprained ankle though-I managed to do so coming home for Christmas Break junior year at U of I-I stepped down wrong off the sidewalk outside B-E, and thought I was going to die.
Failed a class: no, but close-don’t ask me pre-calc in high school Thought you were gonna die: I said, “I’m gonna die”, but never meant or thought it literally.
Killed someone: Sorry, no. If looks could kill…maybe.
Cried over a boy/girl: Yes. Unfortunately. Luckily not so much anymore.
a death in the family: yes, the last close member of my family to die was Nana-(my great grandmother) that was 8 years ago.
Ran around neked: lol who hasn’t?
Talked on the phone for more then 5 hours: Yep, but not recently. If you’ve ever been in a long distance relationship, it’s definitely a possibility.

Favorites:
1. Favorite Animal: kitties and puppies. HATED animal: QUAD SQUIRRELS, those evil little bastards.
2. Favorite Sport: I love watching my Illini or the STL Cardinals.
3.Favorite Color(s): Red. Just look at my closet.
Favorite feeling(s): anticipation
Favorite Shoe: my brown croc high-heeled loafers. They’re fabulous!Favorite scent(s): Acapella by Mary Kay or Pleasures by Estee Lauder
12. Do You Wear Make-Up?: Of course. What proper southern lady doesn’t?
13. Which is more important, personality or looks?: personality makes a guy cute. But it’s always nice if they’re easy on the eyes.
14. What kind of personality do you like in a guy?: secure and confident, yet unpretentious; down-to-earth, non-judgmental, funny, & sweet.
15. Do you move fast or slow in a relationship?: Slow, but when you click, you just click. 16. What is your idea of the perfect guy?: Someone who I am attracted to both physically and intellectually-someone who has the qualities I mentioned above, someone who I can talk to easily for hours about everything-someone who knows the real me, and still likes me.
Do you prefer blondes or brunettes: I really don’t care, a couple of the guys I have liked in the past few years (and/or dated) have had blond hair/blue eyes, but frankly I am a sucker for the tall/dark/handsome ones ;o)

Love, Life and Friends
1. What is the first thing you notice about someone?: Facial expression and smile
2. Whens the last time you cried? Back in September-I was at a funeral. :o(
3. What do you want to be when you grow up?: Political Consultant. 4. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: no, but they sit on my bed by day.
5. Do you want children? Eventually, I probably will want one. I love little kids, but the idea of having my own freaks me out…at least right now.
6. Do you like someone right now?: YES :o)
7. Do they know?: I certainly hope so!
8. Do you have a best friend?: Yep, I’m lucky to have more than one.

Within the last 24 hours, have you
1: Had a serious talk?: semi-serious
2: Hugged someone?: yes
3: Gotten along well with your parents?: sure
4: Fought with a friend?: nope

Do you like to...
1: Give hugs?: I love hugs
2: Give back rubs?: YES! ;o)
3: Take walks in the rain?: of course
4. have you had the falling dream?: last week, actually
5. Do you have lots of things on your walls?: yes-I love my friends and family and surround myself with pictures of both.
6: When you chew gum, what kind?: Orbitz
7: Do you use chapstick?: Yes, and lip gloss. Lots of lip gloss! I have like 5 tubes in my purse-all different colors.

In the last month have/did you...
1. Drink?: Yes
2. Smoke?: Secondhand smoke...last night at Catch 22, YUCK...it burned my contacts.
3. Drugs?: Never
4. Have Sex? Nope.
6. Go on a date?: Yes
7. Go to the movies?: Yes
8. Go to the mall?: Seeing as I work there, yes.
9. Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: No! I hate my figure enough as it is!.
10. Eaten sushi? A couple of months ago, at the new Chinese place in Chatham.
11. Been on stage?: No, but my sister Jami was Susan Walker in “Miracle on 34th Street” back around Christmastime…she was awesome!
12. Been dumped?: nope.
13. Had someone be unfaithful to you?: Not that I know of
14. Watched The Smurfs?: NO! That show is disturbing, I thought so when I was little too.
15. Hiked a mountain?: No, no, no.
16. Made homemade cookies?: NO. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here.
17. Been in love?: Who knows

More stuff...
Are you popular?: I have many GREAT friends and I am never lacking in the social dept. So I suppose you could say yes.
Are you Beautiful/Handsome?: Nope, at best I’m “cute”, but I don’t have a very high opinion of myself.
Do you have your own phone line?: I’m 24-let's hope so.
What is your favorite word to say?: My recent favorite word is Yowza-I just think it’s fun.
What is your favorite phrase to say?: Word to your mother
What are you doing right now?: sitting in bed w/ my laptop, waking up after a long night…
What song are you listening to?: “Run Around” Blues Traveler
What are you wearing?: A nightshirt from Victoria Secret…it’s early!
Preferences:cold or hot?: about 70 degrees is just fine
silk or satin?: silk
Red or blue?: Red
old or new?: a mix of both
rain or snow?: snow
give or receive?: give
leather or cotton?: both
Roses or daisies?: roses, but orchids are my favorites
public school or private? Public my entire life.
Chocolate milk or plain milk?: Chocolate
Celsius or Fahrenheit?: Um, hi-I’m American. I actually DO know how to transfer Fahrenheit to Celsius, but I’m comfortable with Fahrenheit. Spring or fall?: FALL. Most definitely fall. My favorite time of year-I wish it was fall all year. And my sinuses don’t bother me then, either.
Inny or outtie?: Inny
Now or then?:NOW-I’ve learned obsessing about the past only succeeds in wasting the future!
How many fingers am I holding up?: I don’t know, how many ARE you holding up?
Scent?: Clean cotton or freshly cut grass
English or Math?: English-duh. See question about “failing a class” above.
Bath or shower?: I prefer baths, but showers take less time…so I usually shower.
Bedtime phrase?: A simple “Good Night” will do.
Self-stick or lick?: Stick, I guess.
Cursive or print?: Cursive
Do you like surprises?: Sometimes, unless they involve Dan and Joe…I DO NOT like their surprises. Especially when they involve forts.
Paranoid or Cautious?: Paranoid
Heights or Crowds?: I’m not fond of either, but I can handle both.
Half-full or half-empty?: Half-full
Top or bottom?: LOL-depends on the situation
Do you/Would you dye your hair?: I do highlights-currently blonde, but there’s some leftover red.
Speeding or running red lights?: haha, both. I’m really bad about the lights, though.
Gold or silver?: White gold
Bad habits?: I can be very insecure. Also, I talk too much sometimes.
Piercing?: 2 in each ear
Erogenous Zone(s): Not in front of the children!
Snore or talk?: I’ve been told I talk in my sleep, what’s scarier is sometimes they say I have actual conversations.
What do you wish you'd done?: Told him how I feel. But I try not to have any regrets. Maybe some things happen for a reason, after all.
Fetish?: I have a weakness for hot guys in cowboy hats with southern accents…and if they tip their hat at you…all control flies out the window! (Hey, my family is from the south...what do you expect?)
Do you have one of THOSE voices?: I don’t think so. lol.
Jammies or neked?: Pajamas, please.
Neurotic or psychotic?: Neurotic, very much indeed.
Do you talk to yourself?: On occasion.
My parents: Drive me crazy sometimes, but generally give good advice.
I can't stop listening to: Country music.
Every weekend: I try to go out and relax. TRY being the operative word. I hate school because: I don’t hate school, I actually love it!
I like school because: I enjoy learning…especially when you like what you’re studying.
I enjoy: LIFE…all it has to offer.
I dress the way I do because: it’s my style. A mix of trendy, classic & vintage: I call it eclectic. :o)
Say something cool: Word to your mother. I’m done!

My life as of late...
I've been really, really busy-as I will be for the rest of the semester, so if you are expecting regular posts, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed. I'll try (and note I say TRY) to keep things updated weekly for all 3 of you who actually read this, but chances are you 3 will be talking to me anyway, so reading this won't matter. Whatever.

Research, Reading, and Writing...
The never-ending saga that is the life of a grad student....this is all I do lately. I have 15 chapters to read for one class alone, a paper due on Monday (almost finished), a campaign project to start working on, and a proposal to finish by the end of this week. It makes me wonder how I'm ever going to have time to finish my master's thesis, and frankly, I've been considering taking the easy way out for the past week, thanks to the mounting workload and stress the semester brings. That easy way out would be by way of the ever-popular comprehensive exam, one of the non-thesis closure options here at UIS. It wouldn't really affect my chances to pursue a Ph.D. program (I have plenty of other significant writing samples), and I'm not 100% sure I'm doing a Ph.D. anyway...but like I said, it's something I'm going to have to decide upon, and SOON. I'm still on track for doing a thesis, but the pressure (and workload) is mounting. Most people working on a thesis AREN'T taking an additional 8 hours of graduate credit...not that I'm anything special or spectacular, but I am feeling slightly frazzled.

Job Interview
I had my first official job interview this week, and I feel really good about it...I'm not going into details or anything, but I should know what's to come of it by the end of the month and I feel good about things...and if it doesn't go the way I hope it does, I'll chalk it up to good experience :0) After all, it's only my first interview, and I haven't been actively hunting. YET. I need to finish my M.A., after all.

Intution
I've been learning lately that is can be really hard to learn to trust yourself again. I hate the fact that I don't necessarily trust my intuition anymore...it has really never led me astray (except in matters of the heart), but I know that a person has to take risks in order to find what makes them happy in life. I've done so in other areas of my life (school, career), so I guess (maybe) the time has come again to learn to trust again...or at least give it a try.

It's not that I'm lacking emotion/feelings...but it is so so hard to trust again and rely on others, especially when you've convinced yourself that you can take care of yourself. It's nice to be able to be able to care about/depend on other people, although getting there is the hard part.

Everything else...
I'm trying to go out and have something of a social life, but the hectic nature of the semester is making things difficult. I go out regularly on Thursday nights...the weekends, it depends. Tonight will probably be spent somewhere downtown...not sure just yet. wooo-hooo. But not until I finish a few more pages of this paper...

Last night was spent out for a few hours at Mowie's with Jess and Michelle, where we met Jeron and Chris (guy I dated briefly last Nov.), which was a little weird. Michelle ended up leaving a little early to meet her guy, which left the four of us...Jeron and Jess were talking, so I ended up playing pool w/ Chris, which felt a little weird at first, but luckily things were cool, I just treated him like a buddy and kept the conversation platonic, so things ended up ok.

Eventually though, Jess and I got tired and went home, where I proceeded to watch Sex and the City, talk on the phone ;o) and go to bed.

So that's my life as of late......more details as they arise!