WOW, so much stuff has gone on since my last real post...I suppose I'll take this opportunity to update before I leave town for Turkey day festivities...

It's pathetic. I just realized-thanks to online quizzes, the election, and other business going on in my life, it's been almost a MONTH since I've written a REAL post. Sheesh!

Ok...first and foremost...classes are winding down, and this will be the first Turkey break in history where I won't JUST be obsessing over finals-I might actually be able to enjoy myself. I've got 2 papers left...that shouldn't be TOO miserable.

Socially things are busy, as usual-I've been spending an unnatural amount of time at Bootleggers. I don't mind the bar, and although I used to hate it, it's starting to grow on me.

So, speaking of drinking...Last Monday, I headed out for a seemingly innocent evening at the library. I had a lot of research to do, and it's a nice quiet place where I can get a lot of work done, unlike my apartment, which offers way too many distractions.

Before I arrived at the library, I visited my old apt. to pick up some stuff left from Brandis' party a few weeks ago. Jess was there, and after catching up with her and Brandis for a few minutes we decided that it had been a stressful day and it would be nice to sit on the front stoop and have a drink. Unfortunately, this turned into many drinks (on a Monday night, no less), and we continued in the behavior patterns that had occured all summer: completely random drinking & conversation on a completely random night of the week. Anyway, as the evening wore on, we proceeded to discuss the current object of my affection, and my inability to muster the courage to talk to him regularly. Jess proceeded to bring up a mutal guy friend of hers, who apparently is a very nice guy but has had bad luck with girls-and that's how I ended up getting set up.

So...I'll spare everyone the details, but after being set up with this guy (who, btw is very nice), I came to the conclusion that although he is a very good guy, he's just not my type. I am not going to go into details because this is a public blog, (if you're interested call me or something and I'll tell you the whole story) but this quote should sum things up quite nicely:
"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies."

So...in other words, I'm still single. And I still like ______________. It just goes to show that although it would be nice to have someone I was dating regularly, I don't have to have that to feel fulfilled. And if this last week has done anything, it has given me more confidence to pursue ____________. Because I deserve a chance as much as anyone!

So anyway, on Friday night, I headed home to Centralia for about 16 hours to attend Jami's play-she was Susan Walker in Miracle on 34th Street-she did an amazing job! While home, I managed to run into a number of people I knew from high school, both friends, parents of friends, and former teachers. I don't keep in touch with a ton of people from high school, so this was nice. One person I DID run into was my friend Darren, who was a great friend through grade school and junior high. We were friends in high school, but didn't hang out as much-I was in band, he was in sports, and if you're from a small town like I am, you hang with your given cliques-although I was one of the few people who actually transcended borders of these cliques and was friends with more people than my fellow band rats. I digress. Anyway, we both remarked on our lack of a 5 year reunion, and talked about how interesting things should be in 5 more years. It's amazing how much has changed. Me and Darren both went to KC, from there I went on to graduate from U of I and head to grad school, he stayed in Centralia after attending KC and now has a 1-year old. Amazing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that things finally feel like they're gelling. It took going home to realize it, but that's ok. I've accomplished more than 95% of the people in my graduating class-not that it's a contest, but it kind of feels good to have that validation, especially considering that I am known for not always having tons of confidence in my choices. I realize it's kind of sad that I use going home as a means of validating my life right now, but it just helped to put things in perspective, I guess. It shows me that I AM going somewhere, and shows that being homecoming queen or valedictorian in high school does NOT guarantee future success or happiness (something I've found a lot of lately)-something I had a bit of a hard time dealing with in high school. It's not to say I didn't have a happy high school experience, I did-but I always felt like you had to fall under a certain stereotype to be successful, and that couldn't be further from the truth. It's just the small town mentality that gets passed down to you-I'm grateful for U of I helping to snap me out of it-I just wish I could share that with people at CHS who might be feeling the same way right now, but will never get the same experiences I've been so fortunate to have.

Anyway, I guess the moral of this jumbled rant is just to say that I feel like things are clicking. Sure, I'd love to make a little more money, and sure, I'd like to lose a little weight. I'd like to be dating a guy that I'm truly interested in. But it's ok to have things to look forward to. I think I'm doing pretty well as things are.

I was once watching a CMT interview with Kenny Rogers, and he said that his life (in his 60's) was finally going just the way he had wished for it to-he had everything he'd ever wanted and more. He said that there are three things essential to having a fulfilled life, and I've never really forgotten what he said because I agree: he said, the key to happiness is, "Have someonse to love, something to do, and something to look forward to." Coming from someone whose had as crazy a life as he has had, that means a lot.

Remembering this has made me less resentful of stuff I don't have-because honestly, what would the fun be in life if you had everything you ever wanted, all at one time? I don't think it's ok to EVER have EVERTHING you want, because then you have nothing to look forward to and you stop trying. That's when you know you've lived a long, full life. And seeing as I haven't lived my life out yet (not by a long shot), I want to keep having something to look forward to...whatever it may be.

It's just like the song by John Michael Montgomery:
"Life's a dance, you learn as you go, sometimes you lead and sometimes you follow. Don't worry 'bout what you don't know, life's a dance, you learn as you go."

I'm happy right now. I'm in a good place-and it feels great. :o)

That's all for now...I hope everyone has a HappyTurkey break, and I'll post again soon.