Time to vent...

Yeah, I was pretty annoyed last night, for various reasons, but luckily I kept my cool. The last time I lost my temper, REALLY lost it, was junior year, (of HIGH SCHOOL!) and my dears, it wasn't pretty. Pretty much everyone that knows me knows that I'm pretty easygoing when it comes to most everything, and although at times I have had a penchant for drama, that's all beyond me now.

So last night I was basically accused of downplaying "important" drama, and talking in a "condescending" manner to people. These accusations came from someone who I (used to-and still do) consider to be one of my best friends. Let me make a few points here to clarify myself: seeing as I sometimes have a difficult time doing it over the phone.

I never have been, am not, and never WILL be condescending. It is NOT in my nature. I was born and bred to get to know the real person, not the shell of a person-I have friends in all social classes, ranges of intelligence, and ages-I have NEVER been judgemental. NEVER-that is one thing that most people value in me, my ability to be a careful and understanding listener without ever passing judgement of ANY KIND. If anything, I feel like I have been the one being judged or criticized.

A great example of this is last year, when I was applying for grad schools and informed my friends of my intentions to attend UIS. My friends from home & KC were overwhelmingly supportive of my decision. Most of my friends from UIUC thought is was great. Everyone knows that my interests lie primarily in the practical side of politics-and what better place for me to explore these interests be than the state capitol, where I can get all the practical application of my undergraduate degree I could ever want (with 2 U.S. Congressional districts, U.S. Senators' offices, and state politics GALORE), in addition to earning my M.A.? I thought it was an ideal fit for my ambitions. Still, I faced the "looks" from some friends of mine who shall remain nameless who seemed to think that UIS was a bad choice, an unprestigious school, and somehow unfit for my abilities. Needless to say, I missed UIUC at first, but the things I missed had nothing to do w/ education-I missed the social atmosphere, my friends, the bars, etc. Anyhoo, I went on to do VERY well in the program in addition to getting a great internship with U.S. Congressman John Shimkus. I decided once and for all that MAYBE the politics of the federal government isn't where my true passion lies, and pursued an internship with on of the state associations downtown, and I can honestly say I've never been happier. And this has led to what will hopefully be a great job-fingers crossed.

Now, it seems that the same people who appeared critical of me are now 1) either in awe of or shocked by my success, and 2) dare I say, a bit jealous? That may sound unfair, but I can't help it if that is the vibe I am picking up. And one person in particular has criticized me for my tirades on how stressful things are right now, and how I just "don't understand" what's going on with other people, but I don't think this could be further from the truth. I have been a patient listener even when it WASN'T convenient for me. Because that is what friends do. And I'm sorry, I'm not and never have been the type of person to get a big head just bc I was given power-I know just as well as any other rational human being that power is a fickle friend that can be taken from you as quickly as it is given to you. And I have NEVER tried to say that my life and my business is so much more important since I'm in grad school and it's a slightly clearer glimpse of the real world-that is not the case. ESPECIALLY since this so-called drama is something I was a regular part of last year. It's not unimportant, but my business isn't unimportant either. And I guess graduating kind of puts a new perspective on things, and makes you realize how silly things you did in the past may have been. You're still usually glad you did them, for one reason or another, but you can still appreciate the fact things have changed-priorities have changed. And it kind of makes you try to avoid all avoidable drama at all costs. Bc you've got so much else going on.

UGH-I guess all I'm trying to say is that I'm exactly the same person that I was last year. Only slightly more mature, a bit more refined and very much sober. And if anyone has had to deal with judgemental and "condescending" behavior, I would argue that it was me. I mean, I love my Chambana friends very much, but you have to admit that I put up with my fair amount of b.s. The CONSTANT cracks about SO-IL, southern tradition, and all the other ridiculousness-I can't even remember all of it. It is funny at times but rest assured if you were in my shoes, you would understand that it, like anything else, gets REALLY OLD when you've repeated the SAME JOKE 20 MILLION TIMES! No, my parents ARE NOT cousins. Or brother and sister. The same is true for other families in Centralia. Centralia and SO-IL isn't entirely composed of dirt roads, cornfields, and cows. We have a large city nearby, so we're NOT completely alienated from "the real world". We DO have indoor plumbing. We appreciate family values and home-cooked meals. We like living in a place where you can still hear the crickets chirp and see the stars at night. A place where you can leave your doors unlocked without worrying about being murdered in your bed! I love my suburbanite friends, they can make fun of this lifestyle if they wish, but frankly, it's not bad. Not bad at all. Quite good, actually. And although I'll probably never live there again, I won't forget my roots.

That was long and I'm not sure if it all made sense. But if it didn't rest assured I'll read over it and clarify if necessary. Until next time...